One simple change that will boost your confidence + make you the happiest you've ever been
One simple change that will boost your confidence + make you the happiest you've ever been
I’m actually scared to admit this, but where I am in life and business right now feels so. damn. good.
In fact, there was a time when I wouldn’t have said those words out loud and even now typing them feels like a stretch.
Because here’s the thing: before I did a lot of the inner work, I was always looking to OUTER circumstances to determine how I felt. My mood (and my mindset really) would depend on things like:
Having enough savings in the bank to always feel “ok”
Generating enough leads and clients to feel good about my business
Relying on enough positive feedback and validation from those clients
All while still having enough free time for the things that were important to me in life (but not TOO much because refer back to #1)
But relying on those outer circumstances is a scary place to live. It puts you in a position where your own happiness is outside of your control.
And simply looking for enough? Well, it’s no surprise that’s exactly what was showing up for me.
The truth is, I didn’t just want enough. Yes, I wanted to feel safe and secure but I also wanted to do the work that lights my soul on fire. I wanted to feel that “I can’t believe life gets this good” feeling, I wasn’t getting that by simply looking for “enough” in life and business.
So what changed? What shifted in me to upgrade my mindset and move beyond what I thought I was capable of? How am I the happiest I’ve been since I don’t know when…?
Simply put, instead of looking outwardly for those external cues that I was on the right path, I looked WITHIN. I did the deep work to find what feels true to me and while it isn’t easy, I’ve seen the results of it tenfold in how I show up each day in my life and business.
So today, I’m talking about how to do the mindset work that helps you look INSIDE for answers so you can boost your confidence in life and business and be the happiest you’ve ever been.
Because THIS work, the inner mindset stuff that you may be glossing over, is consequently the very same thing that makes those outer circumstances line up for you too.
Get crystal clear on what it is that you want
This one may sound super obvious, but I know there’s someone out there who needs to hear this today. In most cases, the reason you’re not getting what you want in life and business is because you don’t even KNOW what you want. Think about it, when you’ve been super clear on what it is that you want and taken consistent, aligned action toward it, doesn’t it almost ALWAYS show up for you?
THIS right here is the mindset work. Because all too often, you’re looking to friends or family for validation (and then feel deflated when they don’t see your vision). You look to people on social media who have what you want (and then feel discouraged that you don’t have it already). Or you look to your bank account for you own self-worth (and then feel worthless when the numbers aren’t there). When you look everywhere else but within, it’s easy to talk yourself out of what it is that you thought you wanted. It all starts to feel out of reach and you get wishy-washy on not only your mindset, but subsequently, your results too.
I see this all the time in entrepreneurs, who are constantly flip-flopping business models. When you’re not seeing the results you want, it’s easy to think that nothing’s working and that you need to switch gears. But in reality, knowing what you want and doing the mindset work to stick with it UNTIL it works is the hard part, but also that part that pays of in the long-run.
I’ve never seen more results in my business than when I’ve been crystal clear on the type of business I want to create and stuck with my mission, message, and marketing CONSISTENTLY to support that.
Look inside for validation rather than externally
One of the biggest mindset blocks that I see hold entrepreneurs back from getting started on anything (whether they’re brand new or years into business and trying out a new strategy) is the fear of what others will think. What will my coworkers think if I leave my full-time job? What will my audience think if I make this pivot? What will my clients think if I don’t take calls on Friday? What will my dog think if I’m home all day? (Kidding. I haven’t heard that one yet.)
But in all seriousness, this one has been coming up A LOT in my coaching calls lately. And not just my Future You sessions either, it’s been a hot topic on my free coaching calls too. But here’s the thing: what others think falls squarely outside of your control. You can’t determine what they think about you any more than you can control what they eat for breakfast. Plus, everyone always filters your stuff through their own struggles, desires, and life experiences anyway, therefore pushing it even further outside your control.
This is exactly why it’s so important that YOU are crystal clear on you. Meaning you need to be so without-a-doubt sure this is the right thing for you and your business that everything else is simply background noise. Now here’s the messy secret: that kind of validation can only come from within.
Believe me, when I left my cushy full-time job in NYC at a large fashion brand to move across the country (ahem, without a job lined up) you could practically SEE the fear in people’s eyes. But I KNEW that this move, this change, was going to bring me closer to the bigger vision that I had for myself. Don’t get me wrong, it doesn’t mean it wasn’t scary, but it DOES mean that I was so crystal clear on what I wanted that what other people thought just didn’t carry any weight.
Stop letting fear drive your decisions
Which brings me to my next point: it’s time to stop letting fear run the show. There are so many times in life and business when the next step we need to take, the one that stretches us outside our comfort zone and helps us to grow in BIG ways, is downright terrifying. But in order to grow, both personally and professionally, we often need to step past that fear and do the scary thing anyway.
To do that, I think it’s first important to acknowledge that fear is holding you back. Lately, I’ve been doing a daily fear inventory. This just means that I jot down on a piece of paper any of the fears that are holding me back from reaching that next level in both life and business. Some days the list is shorter than others. I don’t dwell on the fears or try to go deeper on any of them. I simply write them out and then rip them up.
This practice has been a huge game-changer for me in reaching that next level in my life and business. I’ve been more aware of the areas in which I’m holding myself back, I’ve landed bigger clients than I would have thought I was capable of, and I’ve put myself out there in ways I would have shied away from before (hello, podcast and speaking gigs!).
By writing out the fears, they’ve had even less power over me. They’re not as charged or big and scary. In fact, I think we’re cohabitating quite nicely at this point. I know they’re there, but they’re not driving my decisions and that makes all the difference when it comes to knowing the scary is there, but doing it anyway.
Upgrade your mindset and celebrate the wins
For the longest time in my business, I didn’t want to let myself win. Sure, I was good at celebrating the wins in my life. Brian will tell you, one load of laundry and I’d walk around the house praising myself for how much I’d accomplished. 😉THOSE kind of wins I was good at celebrating. But celebrating the business stuff...well, that felt like I was skating on thin ice.
All the business-related wins came with an asterisk attached (*). There was the little voice in my head that said, “Don’t get too excited about that new client...they may not sign their contract or pay their invoice.” Or another one, “They’re happy working with you now, but that could change in an instant.” It was the equivalent of not letting myself celebrate doing laundry because the clothes would get dirty again.
I mention this because in a field where you’re constantly pushing for new goals, trying to hit new numbers, and growing in ways you never thought you were capable of, it’s easy to dismiss the wins. It’s easy to look past what you’ve accomplished on your way to the next big thing and I want to caution against that way of thinking.
It’s that failure to stop long enough to CELEBRATE that will keep you constantly hunting for happiness. Because the goals you’ve worked so hard to reach deserve a moment to celebrate and consequently, celebrating will bring you more happiness and more confidence in your ability to REACH big goals in the future.
Stop waiting for the other shoe to drop
There was a time when feeling THIS good and THIS happy was something I never would have shared, let alone write an entire blog post about it. I would have been worried that I would “jinx it” or I’d be waiting for “the other shoe to drop.” But what has been really powerful for me is seeing just how much of an impact mindset work has had in my overall well-being and accomplishment.
I know life most definitely has its ups and downs. But in the same vein, I also don’t need to be LOOKING for things to go wrong (because in my experience when you look that hard for something, it almost always shows up for you, good or bad). Through the ups and the downs, I know that the right mindset is essential to getting me back to a place of confidence, happiness and fulfillment so that I can create more of the results I actually want in life and business.
I see it in clients too. Shifting their mindset around what success looks like FOR THEM helps them to bring in more of the good stuff, in large part because they know what they’re looking for and they stop looking for how the odds are stacked against them. Because the things they want more of in life aren’t usually that far out of reach. It’s things like working less and having more time with their kids. Feeling more organized and less frantic. Bringing in more clients without putting their health and wellness on the line. And once they shift their mindset around those things ONCE, by creating better boundaries around “work hours” or time off, it’s easier to operate from THAT place and create more of the results they want again and again and again.
Tell me in the comments below:
What’s one affirmation you’re using to upgrade your mindset to create more of the results you want?
Photography by Jennifer Morgan Photography